What I am pleading for is an instinct towards village-mindedness; an instinct towards involving more people, not fewer.
If you have a child approaching the age of initiation that you gather in those close to do something about it since you, as the parent, can’t.
If a friend is expecting a child, that you call in others to help make a meal train so the couple doesn’t lift a finger for the first forty days.
If there is a conflict between two people, you might suggest bringing this conflict to a wider, well facilitated community forum where more wisdom can be brought to the table and so that more people can witness how conflict resolution might be done.
If a friend has been violently attacked in their home and is unable to do the work on their farm, maybe you rally your friends on Facebook or via texting to go out to their farm to help them get work done.
If a mother you know needs to leave the province to get away from her emotionally abusive, narcissistic husband and finds herself facing an unexpected bill of $4000 in moving expenses because the moving company tried to screw her, perhaps you encourage her to create a crowd-funding campaign and you tell everyone you know about it.
One mother shared this story with me, “This reminds me of the time I got a call from the school that my son had been bullying his classmate. It was quite a serious incident and they asked me to pick him up and that he was not to return to school until the following week. I immediately called in the village and one by one they all showed up that week to tell my son their story of bullying in their life. Peers, parents and elders alike. They each brought him a perspective and a compassionate moment of connection to help my son find his own centre. We never brought it up again and it has never been an issue ever since. So much can be done in this way and the impact is quite remarkable.”
Another friend, Cole, told me this story, “A friend of mine one told me about an event where he was supposed to show a group how to make a fire with a bow drill. The friction fire can be an incredible feet to learn and do and can also get really effortless eventually.
Another story, “My gran lived by the concept of ‘the cup of sugar’ even after the war. She regularly sent me to borrow one from the neighbour and later sent me with a piece of the cake. When I asked why she did it, even though she had sugar in her pantry, she told me that sharing a cake in this way connected people. Some of the wisest words I ever heard.”
On this occasion everything went wrong and as he was sweating in his own misery of not getting more than a little smoke and then having a part break and having to start over the group began to really get engaged. He tried again and now the group began singing a song he had shared for them to sing even louder and as if their singing might actually be part of this working out.
Then he started to calm and after a long while he made an ember, a little glowing coal. Soon after with song and the help of people around blowing the flame to life they had a fire. He laughed when he told me. He didn’t expect that.
He thought he was failing them and as he told me he began remembering all of the others on other occasions who, by his perfect “show” walked away as if them being there and him being there was nothing.”
If someone you love is suicidal, then, instead of being a hero and trying to save them, you might call together those who profess to love them to see what might be done as a group.
If they do kill themselves, then it might be a chance for the village to come together to do the hard work of grieving and making beauty and meaning from the whole experience so that the world might be fed so that less people would be likely to take that road.
There are so many ways that our troubles might be fashioned into opportunities for the village to appear.
Someone must be willing, with no permission whatsoever, to be willing to gather people together who never would have gathered on their own and to coordinate some sort of response that redeems both those hurting and those helping.
This piece resonates a lot and I experienced my village pulling together around me emotionally and practically when I journeyed through cancer. It was profound for one who has no near relatives. I truly didn't realise how seen and valued I was until this time.
My one wish is that this kind of villaging happens beyond the crisis moments. In the day by day time. That we see and value those around us and lend the smaller helping hands. That we may normalise this level of connection. My gran lived by the concept of the cup of sugar even after the war. She regularly sent me to borrow one from the neighbour and later sent me with a piece of the cake. When I asked why she did it, even though she had sugar in her pantry, she told me that sharing a cake in this way connected people. Some of the wisest words I ever heard. Thanks for being inspiring Tad. 🙏