Thoughts are powerful things. Ideas slip quietly into ideologies and then become identities before anyone's even noticed. And we so seldom notice the impact they have on us. What follows is an exploration of the thought, "I deserve to be punished." The World With The Thought Of Punishment:
I love what you're saying about transgression and punishment, but am very surprised by the assumption that most people feel they deserve to be punished. Although, I do recall Canadians have told me that you can recognize a Canadian by how much they apologize, so maybe it's a cultural thing?
Where I live (Israel), it seems everyone is always absolutely sure that THEY are in the right, and certainly not at fault for anything. So it seems to me a strange assumption you've made, and if it's the case that most people secretly feel they're worthy of punishment, you're already way ahead of where we are.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Tad. There were many images that spoke to and nourished me - especially this one: "sometimes the hardest labour there is is touching the hem of our worthiness and letting ourselves be loved in spite of our mistakes." Amen.
I appreciate this topic, as it's one I have struggled and wrestled with. Over the course of the year, I pray half a dozen novenas with the Divine Mother. Before each novena, I sense what is stirring in my heart. This season's novena is to face my mistakes with trust - or you could say, to face shame with trust - so your essay arrives at a perfect time. It's a delightful paradox that when I hold my nobility and frailty together - when my worthiness rests on something so much deeper than my mistakes - this helps me to face and repair them.
I love how you’ve brought through fear of the self as a root of this. I’ve been on several silent retreats and over the years had many friends tell me they would never attend one because they’re afraid of what they might find in themselves. This is always unprompted – I would never recommend or suggest someone go. But I’m always struck by what a massive burden that thought is: “if I stay still too long, or let my inner guard down, I’m going to have to face the reality of myself and it will be unbearable.” It’s exhausting trying to outrun yourself.
I wonder also what’s more frightening: the idea that we might be worse than others in some way that marks us out, or that, under the veneer, everyone is inherently bad.
There’s an essay by John Jeremiah Sullivan about his brother’s recovery from being electrocuted in an accident. For several months, while he could still move and talk, he lost all memory, conceptual framework, and sense of identity. JJS says it made him realise he'd always assumed someone without those "civilising" attributes would be dangerous, violent, or bad. Whereas for the most part his brother was like the most charming drunk you'd ever meet - a holy fool. Maybe we’d all be graced by allowing more of those qualities in ourselves through.
Earlier today I listened to Clementine Morrigan and Jay LeSoleil compare and contrast punishment (and accountability) in the criminal justice system vs. in cancel culture.
Fascinating.
In this podcast episode, they remind us of our basic right to NOT incriminate ourselves. To consider that we may NOT be guilty as charged. If we don’t give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, who will?
That any “culture” would be so unrelenting in our self-punishment is indicative of a misanthropic pollution so systemic that it can only lead to implosion.
(Hence the quotation marks around the word culture. Real culture nourishes life, instead of punishes it.)
I love what you're saying about transgression and punishment, but am very surprised by the assumption that most people feel they deserve to be punished. Although, I do recall Canadians have told me that you can recognize a Canadian by how much they apologize, so maybe it's a cultural thing?
Where I live (Israel), it seems everyone is always absolutely sure that THEY are in the right, and certainly not at fault for anything. So it seems to me a strange assumption you've made, and if it's the case that most people secretly feel they're worthy of punishment, you're already way ahead of where we are.
you may be right. all i can do is report on my corner of the world <3
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Tad. There were many images that spoke to and nourished me - especially this one: "sometimes the hardest labour there is is touching the hem of our worthiness and letting ourselves be loved in spite of our mistakes." Amen.
I appreciate this topic, as it's one I have struggled and wrestled with. Over the course of the year, I pray half a dozen novenas with the Divine Mother. Before each novena, I sense what is stirring in my heart. This season's novena is to face my mistakes with trust - or you could say, to face shame with trust - so your essay arrives at a perfect time. It's a delightful paradox that when I hold my nobility and frailty together - when my worthiness rests on something so much deeper than my mistakes - this helps me to face and repair them.
This is such a powerful piece, Tad – thank you.
I love how you’ve brought through fear of the self as a root of this. I’ve been on several silent retreats and over the years had many friends tell me they would never attend one because they’re afraid of what they might find in themselves. This is always unprompted – I would never recommend or suggest someone go. But I’m always struck by what a massive burden that thought is: “if I stay still too long, or let my inner guard down, I’m going to have to face the reality of myself and it will be unbearable.” It’s exhausting trying to outrun yourself.
I wonder also what’s more frightening: the idea that we might be worse than others in some way that marks us out, or that, under the veneer, everyone is inherently bad.
There’s an essay by John Jeremiah Sullivan about his brother’s recovery from being electrocuted in an accident. For several months, while he could still move and talk, he lost all memory, conceptual framework, and sense of identity. JJS says it made him realise he'd always assumed someone without those "civilising" attributes would be dangerous, violent, or bad. Whereas for the most part his brother was like the most charming drunk you'd ever meet - a holy fool. Maybe we’d all be graced by allowing more of those qualities in ourselves through.
Earlier today I listened to Clementine Morrigan and Jay LeSoleil compare and contrast punishment (and accountability) in the criminal justice system vs. in cancel culture.
Fascinating.
In this podcast episode, they remind us of our basic right to NOT incriminate ourselves. To consider that we may NOT be guilty as charged. If we don’t give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, who will?
That any “culture” would be so unrelenting in our self-punishment is indicative of a misanthropic pollution so systemic that it can only lead to implosion.
(Hence the quotation marks around the word culture. Real culture nourishes life, instead of punishes it.)
No wonder it’s called “cancel” culture.
https://fuckingcancelled.libsyn.com/refusing-to-be-accountable-the-rights-of-the-accused
Wow, thank you for this. The Kleenex company thanks you too for all the ones I just used up while reading it.